Think about the last time you hung out with a good friend.
Maybe you watched the footy or cricket, worked on a car, or grabbed a coffee. It felt good, right?
But did you talk about anything deeper than the score or the weekend plans?
For many men, “hanging out” is easy, but “opening up” feels a bit harder. We are often taught to be the “strong, silent type.”
While that sounds tough, it can actually get pretty lonely. Real strength isn’t just about carrying a heavy load alone, it’s about having the courage to tell a mate when the load feels too heavy.
Building deeper friendships isn’t about changing who you are. It is about adding a new tool to your kit.
When we move from just “doing stuff” together to really “knowing” each other, life gets a whole lot better.
Why connection is a game-changer
In Australia, we value “mateship” highly. However, research shows that many men feel their friendships are a bit surface-level.
According to the Ten to Men study (a major Australian study on male health), about 1 in 4 men feel they have low levels of social support.
This matters because loneliness isn’t just a sad feeling. It actually affects our physical health.
Evidence from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW) tells us that having strong social ties can lower stress and help us live longer.
For men, having someone to talk to acts like a safety net for mental health. It reduces the risk of depression and helps us bounce back from tough times at work or home.
When we share our challenges with a mate, our brain releases chemicals that help us feel calm.
In short, being a good friend – and having one – is one of the best things you can do for your health.
How to build a deeper bond
You don’t need to have a “deep and meaningful” chat every single time you meet. It’s about small steps that show you trust your mates.
Organisations like Movember suggest simple ways to bridge the gap:
- Try the side-by-side chat: Many men find it easier to talk while doing something else. Drive the car, go for a walk, or stand at the BBQ. When you aren’t looking directly at each other, opening up can feel much less intense.
- Ask an open question: Instead of asking “How’s work?”, try “What’s the most stressful part of your job lately?” It gives your friend a chance to share a real story rather than just a one-word answer.
- Share a small low: You don’t have to share your biggest secret first. Mention something small that annoyed you or a mistake you made. This shows your mate that it is safe for them to be imperfect around you, too.
- The double check text: If a mate mentions something big – like a breakup or a tough project – send a text a few days later. Just say, “Hey, still thinking about that stuff you mentioned. Hope you’re doing okay.” It shows you were actually listening.
- Be the one to invite: Don’t wait for the group chat to buzz. Reach out to one person directly. “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while, want to grab a burger?” Direct invites make people feel valued.
Tips for leaders: Supporting men at work
Work is where many men spend most of their time. As a leader, you can create a culture where looking out for each other is just “how we do things here.”
The Black Dog Institute emphasises that workplace connection is a key protective factor against burnout.
- Model the behaviour: If you are a manager, share your own human moments. Mentioning that you’re feeling tired or that you’re heading to a kid’s school event shows that life exists outside of being a boss. It gives your team permission to be human, too.
- Create social glue moments: Don’t just meet for formal tasks. Create spaces for casual chat. Even five minutes at the start of a meeting to talk about non-work life helps build the trust needed for deeper support later.
- Watch for the quiet shift: If a normally chatty team member becomes very quiet or irritable, don’t just focus on their productivity. Reach out privately. Say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quiet lately. Is everything going okay?”
- Promote side-by-side volunteering: Organise team activities that involve doing something active for a cause. Working together on a project helps men bond naturally through shared action. Perhaps consider supporting charities like OzHarvest, who do vital work feeding people in need across Australia.
You’ve got this
Building deeper friendships is a skill, just like learning a trade or a sport. It might feel a bit clunky at first, and that is okay. The goal isn’t to be perfect, it’s to be present.
When we choose to be a bit more open, we help everyone around us do the same.
This week, why not send a quick text to a mate you haven’t spoken to in a while?
A simple “Thinking of you, mate” can go a much longer way than you think.
Resources and References
References:
- Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (2024). Male Health: Social Support and Connection.
- Ten to Men: The Australian Longitudinal Study on Male Health (2021). Social Support and Mental Health Insights.
- Black Dog Institute (2023). Mental Health in the Workplace Report.
- Healthy Male (2023). The importance of social connection for men.
Support Helplines:
- MensLine Australia: 1300 78 99 78 (24/7 support for men).
- Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 (Support for anxiety and depression).
- Lifeline: 13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support).
- Brother to Brother: 1800 435 799 (24/7 crisis line for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander men).
Practical Tools
- Movember Conversations: An interactive tool to practice having difficult conversations with mates.
