As many dads know, it’s not easy making time for yourself.
Even once the kids are in bed and the house is quiet, there’s a good chance you’re going to spend the precious time you have left tidying up, fixing anything they broke, or taking care of all the life admin that comes with being a dad.
After that you’re just too tired to watch the latest episode of Reacher, Yellowstone, or any of the other shows you’re behind on.
If this sounds familiar, it’s important to remember, you’re not alone.
That’s why this month’s Mentally Minded is on the delicate balance between parenting and personal time.
Your happiness matters
This topic is particularly relevant as with various significant events this month, such as International Women’s Day on March 8 and the International Day of Happiness on March 20.
These dates remind us all of the importance of fostering happiness and equality in our lives, both at home and in the workplace. (And for those wondering, International Men’s Day is November 19).
Many men in Australia struggle with balancing parenting and personal time.
Do you recognise these feelings and scenarios:
Feeling isolated and unprepared
New fathers often feel isolated and unprepared for the challenges of parenthood.
For example, Keeshan Rawler, a young dad, struggled with postpartum depression and felt disconnected from his baby initially.
This feeling of isolation can be overwhelming and impact mental health.
Dad guilt and passenger parenting
Many fathers experience ‘dad guilt’ and feel like ‘passenger parents’ when they return to work after the birth of their child.
Andy Krista, for instance, found it challenging to balance work and family life, feeling guilty for not being more present at home.
Cultural and societal pressures
Deep-rooted societal and cultural forces often prevent men from being the kind of fathers they aspire to be.
These pressures can lead to stress and anxiety, making it difficult to find a balance between parenting and personal time.
How to make time for yourself
Balancing parenting responsibilities with personal time can be challenging, but it’s essential for maintaining mental health and overall wellbeing.
Here are strategies for male parents to create time for themselves while also being a good and present parent to their kids.
1. Set boundaries and prioritise
- Establish clear boundaries: Get a calendar and define specific times for work, family, and personal activities. Share these boundaries with your family to ensure everyone is on the same page.
- Prioritise tasks: Identify the most important tasks and focus on completing them first. This helps in managing time effectively and reduces stress.
2. Create a routine
- Consistent schedule: Develop a daily routine that includes time for work, family, and personal activities. Keep to this as much as possible – consistency helps in managing expectations and reduces the feeling of being overwhelmed.
- Include personal time: Schedule regular personal time for activities you enjoy, such as exercising, reading, or pursuing a hobby. Treat this time as non-negotiable.
3. Involve your children in activities
- Shared activities: Engage in activities that both you and your children enjoy. This can include playing sports, cooking, or doing arts and crafts together. It allows you to spend quality time with your children while also enjoying yourself.
- Teach independence: If they’re old enough, encourage your children to engage in independent play or activities. This not only fosters their independence but also gives you some time to focus on yourself.
4. Communicate with your partner
- Share responsibilities: Discuss and divide parenting responsibilities with your partner. Sharing the load can help both parents find time for themselves.
- Support each other: Be supportive of each other’s need for personal time. Encourage your partner to take breaks and pursue their interests as well.
5. Use support systems
- Family and friends: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from family and friends. They can provide valuable support and give you some time to recharge.
- Professional help: Consider hiring a babysitter or using daycare services occasionally to free up some personal time.
6. Practise self-care
- Physical health: Prioritise physical health by exercising regularly, eating a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep. Physical wellbeing is closely linked to mental health.
- Mental health: Engage in activities that promote mental relaxation, such as meditation, mindfulness, or simply taking a walk in nature.
7. Be present and mindful
- Quality over quantity: Focus on the quality of time spent with your children rather than the quantity. Being fully present during interactions can make a significant difference.
- Mindfulness: Practise mindfulness, such as breathing exercises, walking, stretching, or meditation – to stay present in the moment. This helps in reducing stress and enhances the quality of time with your children.
8. Set realistic expectations
- Don’t try to be perfect: Set realistic expectations for yourself and your parenting. Accept there will be good days and challenging days.
- Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge and celebrate small achievements, both in parenting and personal life. This helps to keep a positive outlook.
9. Seek professional support
- Counselling: If you’re struggling to balance parenting and personal time, consider seeking professional support. Counselling and therapy can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.
- Support groups: Join support groups for fathers. Sharing experiences and learning from others in similar situations can be incredibly helpful.
By using these strategies, you can better support a healthy balance between parenting and personal time, which leads to improved mental health and wellbeing.
Remember, taking care of yourself is not only beneficial for you but also sets a positive example for your children.
Nurturing your romantic relationship amidst parenting challenges
While parenting is a fulfilling journey, it inevitably affects your romantic relationship.
The arrival of children means less spontaneous alone time and increased responsibilities, which can strain even the strongest bonds.
Here’s how to maintain the spark with your partner amidst the parenting hustle:
Prioritise couple time
Set aside intentional time for you and your partner, like a monthly date night or a daily unwinding chat to stay emotionally connected.
Keep the interests you share alive.
Open communication
Discuss each other’s needs and the changes in your lives openly to prevent misunderstandings.
Be sure to listen and nurture a deeper emotional connection.
Share parenting duties
Redistribute household and childcare responsibilities regularly to ensure both partners feel supported and valued.
Maintain intimacy
Kids or not, physical and emotional intimacy is key in a romantic relationship.
Look for small gestures and moments to keep intimacy alive, and celebrate milestones
Family fun
Engage in activities that involve the whole family, creating shared memories and experiences that bind you together.
Parenthood should not mean putting your romantic relationship on the back burner. It’s about finding new ways to cultivate your connection and grow together.
And don’t hesitate to get outside support such as counselling to help you get through the big changes and challenges together.
Supporting your team
Leaders have a significant impact on their team’s mental health.
Here’s five tips to help support the parents in your workplace:
1. Get to know your staff
Understanding their commitments at home and being flexible, where practicable, so they can meet those commitments goes a long way in developing a respectful working relationship.
2. Establish open communication
Encourage a culture of transparency where employees feel comfortable discussing their mental health concerns.
3. Provide mental health resources
Ensure that your team has access to mental health resources, such as Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) and counselling services.
4. Lead by example
Show your commitment to mental wellbeing by prioritising your own mental health.
Share your experiences and encourage others to do the same.
5. Promote work-life balance
Encourage employees to take breaks, use their vacation days, and maintain a healthy work-life balance.
Supporting each other
Dads can also play a vital role in supporting each other’s mental health.
Here are some practical ways to do so:
- Check-in regularly: Make it a habit to ask your friends and colleagues how they are doing. A simple “How are you?” can go a long way.
- Offer a listening ear: Sometimes, just being there to listen can provide immense support. Let your peers know that you are available to talk.
- Create a supportive environment: Foster a culture of openness and acceptance at work and in your personal life. Encourage others to share their experiences and feelings without fear of judgment.
Do you have advice you would like to share with other dads when it comes to balancing parenting and personal time?
Resources and further reading
- ‘I was frozen’: Australian men struggling with transition to fatherhood – ABC News Australia
- Do you suffer from dad guilt? Maybe you feel like a passenger parent – ABC News Australia
- Top 25 traits of a good parent and how to embody them – Happy Parenting and Family
- Parenting advice: child-centred parenting tips – BetterHelp
- We studied 100 years of Australian fatherhood. Here’s how today’s dads differ from their grandfathers – The Times
- The 15 best parenting tips we’ve discovered in the last 15 years – Pure Wow
- How to be a good parent: 24 effective tips – WikiHow
